A Guide To Getting FAT!

Kiddy Crack. HBO rejected a follow up series to The Wire that was based around the confectionary trade between a gang of 5 year olds and their Mennonites suppliers.

What about lemonade milk? If life gives you sour milk make it into milk lemonade. 

This is marketed to Amish wives looking to throw a wild cocktail party, but just don't have the time to make 15 different kinds cubed cheese and cheese dip. The Real Housewives of Lancaster Pennsylvania. 

Contains your daily value of Red Dye #40

Just by reading this caption your BMI rose 2%....sorry. 

I didn't actually order a NEW chicken and swiss log, but this is what I kind of imagined the finished product should look like. Did I mention I was a vegetarian for 17 years before now? My meat imagination is pretty wild. 

When Grandma does drugs. 

So many jokes....so inappropriate.

My family came to visit me last week and we decided to go to the Pennsylvania Dutch Market in Hunt Valley. It had been a while since I had been to a place such as this where I could feel my heart slowly clogging just from visual stimuli. I was strong though! I only ate samples...and a milkshake my mom bought...and a pretzel my sister bought...and a bison burger I bought...and the strawberry rhubarb pie my dad bought...and the carmel apple walnut pie my dad bought for me...and the cranberry glazed bread my family bought as a family. THAT WAS IT!!

To save myself from type 2 diabetes I instead got my nerdy photographer thing on and busted out my iPhone and the ShakeItPhoto app and started snapping away. The one great thing that I wasn't able to capture well that really deserved to be captured well was Awesome Albert the three foot high, $100 dollar chocolate Easter Bunny. We will meet again Awesome Albert...we will meet again.